Mutuality is a beautiful picture of trust and a sign of the Kingdom of God. Sometimes the questions people ask or the judgments they imply make us chuckle.
Well, who is in charge here?
Yes, but if push comes to shove who is the leader?
But then, who is the spiritual head of your home?
Only Jesus. Only ever our Jesus.
When we were pastoring at the Grand Canyon National Park – we had this exact conversation so many times… and that to the head scratching and consternation of many. Why? Because we were “co-pastors.”
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve shared with people my position on all this (what you see in the quote above is how I would say it) only to have people seem to change how they view me – not as a good man or even a strong man, but weak – submissive, letting my wife “wear the pants in the family” so to speak, not taking my proper place in the marriage, not being a good leader. So, really, this little quote is a good encouragement to know I was not the only one who thought this way or even lived this way.
Here is the deal – healthy relationships are built on and sustained by mutuality and trust – they work in tandem with each other. If one is missing the relationship(s) will falter. Without trust – mutuality will be hard to sustain; and mutuality can’t function without trust. They have to work together. Even further, mutuality is something that involves a strong sense of equality – a sort of even balanced give and take or rather receiving. Both are giving, both are receiving and back and forth in a dynamic inter-relationship between the two that is centered in, on and around Jesus Christ – so Jesus is the head of the relationship – the center; both the centripital and centrifugal force that pushes out and draws in, again, in a dynamic exchange of inter-relationship between one another, one with the other. Obviously, Jesus is the one who is over and above it all – he is the Lord of all, yet in relationship with the couple (here we speak of marriage) he is the source and energy and drive behind the mutuality and trust. He is the center and spiritual head of our lives, our marriage, our home, our family, and our church.