Learning is always a process. Within processes are events. Moments when things make sense or click together. The “ah-ha!” moments. These moments are the parts that make up the whole within the learning process. When we learn the parts it helps in making sense of the whole – and the whole is most often what we are after in the learning process.
Learning about ourselves, who we are, how we tick, is always process. In our own “search for meaning,” along the way, we have “ah-ha!” moments that can help in making sense of the whole of our lives, as we search for that meaning. We want our lives to make sense. Because learning is a process, its important that we keep ourselves open to the that process.
i am in my second unit of CPE. CPE is a learning process in which one goal is to form within oneself a sense of pastoral formation and identity. We want to understand ourselves as Chaplains because as we grow in our own self-understanding, we’re better able to help others.
We are working on Family Systems or as it can be called, Family Dynamics. This means we are looking at our own Family of Origin and how that experience has affected us and shaped who we are today. The essence of Family Systems then is about the relationships within the family and how affect one another. It look for patterns and to understand how the patterns developed. Are they open? Are they closed? Is there fusion? Are they enmeshed? is there individuation and differentiation? What are the patterns of behavior ways of relating and or professions and so on.
One key element of Family Systems is Birth Orders. Believe it or not, there is validity to the concept. When you have Mom and Dad and they have a child it makes for a nice liiitle family system, a perfect triangle… that is until another child is born. 🙂 That changes the dynamic within the family does it not? Especially for the firs child! Hey! He’s getting more attention than I am! I must change this!
It gets more interesting with each child added to the system and depending on how well Mom and Dad are differentiated from their own Family of Origin will effect how well their new family system will function.
Add to that mix in the Family System and Birth Orders, Personality types. One might be introverted, the other extroverted. One might be controlling the other more laid back and so on. Its makes for lots of fun and crazy making depending on how you look at it.
In my own learning process, I’ve had an event. I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day and she made the comment about birth orders that she had understood that the first and the third connect and the second and the fourth connect but that if there isn’t the fourth child, the second has no sibling to connect to so they become “the lost middle child.”
Ah-ha! I thought. “That’s me!” If you want to know me, understand me. That’s basically it. I’m a 44 year old soon to be 45 year old “lost middle child.” You may have thought I should be old enough to have grown up and gotten my act together but alas, I admit its something I continue to deal with.
That ah-ha moment i served as an event in my learning process that has made much sense of things and makes some sense of my own life history and the system within my own Family of Origin. I can’t say for sure I have “middle child syndrome” but I resonate with some of the things in this post. I think most of the time my parents tried to avoid problems and so I’ve always struggled to properly adapt to various life problems, which can further explain some other things I am not going to get into for now.